论孤独优美散文

2024-04-11

论孤独优美散文(精选6篇)

篇1:论孤独优美散文

论孤独优美散文

每个人或多或少的都会感到孤独,在一日工作结束后,午夜梦回中,即使身边有人陪伴,即使是在热闹繁华中,我们仍然可能有寂寞来纠缠,除非我不去深想。

人的一生,有太多的问题需要单独面对。不管有多么烦心,必须去单独的面对一些困难或是繁琐的工作,而许多问题是别人帮不了的。即使可以,别人的帮助也只能一时而无法永远,主要的力量还是要靠自己产生。

同样的工作,同样恶劣的环境,对有理想的人来说,那只是一时的逆境,总有雨过天晴的时候,但是对于没有理解的人来说,就是听天由命,得过且过。

明知道烦恼无益,但却非烦恼不可。

也许幸运的人可以找到一个知己或是朋友,和他发发劳骚。可在这种时候,我找不到一个能够听我倾诉的人。有的.人是因为太疏远了不好意思找,即使说了也未必了解,所以宁愿不跟他说。有的人却又关系太好太密切,我不想在他们面前表露出来。而人与人之间在有形的亲密外,也会有无形的距离,这些距离有时很远。一个人能承受现实带来的一切压力,自然也会生出一股力量来压制它,没得选择。只有这样才能够独自面对一切。在很多的时候,我会感觉,其实孤独也没那么可怕。

是的,孤独并不可怕,可怕的是对什么都没了兴趣。能够对一件事物热衷的追求其实是很幸福的。我可以把很多的时间断都用在这上面,我可以去学习、去钻研。我会喜欢孤独、享受孤独。

我很羡慕那些可以离开家庭在外漂泊的人,他们可以经历更多的风险,也会更加懂得人生,比我了解更多抵抗风雨欺凌的力量。他们在孤独寂寞中完成人生的使命。我并不讨厌人群和喧闹,但是我也更需要独处。也只有在一个人的时候我才能够真正的思考和学习。即使什么也学不会,可是在书海里,我能够真正的忘记很多,音乐也让我真正的沉静。

生命在于运动,这是老古话了。我们不光要锻炼自己的身体,也更应该学习怎么安静下来。如果一个人只会享受动的快乐,而不能品尝静的情调,我是非常鄙视的。他们漏掉了很多重要和可贵的东西。

孤独有时是一种超越灵魂的苦闷,我们会在夜静酒阑时感到孤独,也有人在飘零羁旅中孤独,我们还可能在灯红酒绿中感到孤独,这都是自然现象。没有特别的什么原因,只一股秋来的落叶之愁,又或是心中的理想尚未实现。

曲高必然和寡,有时候我们会不甘寂寞,随众唱些滥调,但是我还佩服那些真正可以永远孤独又不怕寂寞的人。就是这些人,在我们迷失方向的船只上给我们扮演着灯塔的角色。

也许一生孤独并不真正的快乐。乐圣说过一句话:当我最顾独的时候,也就是我最不孤独的时候。他的孤独并不是因为喜欢孤独,但却是那心爱的人儿的离开,方才成就了今天仍然流传的月光曲。到死都没有一个亲人陪在他身边。正是心爱的女人离开了,他才不得不去把情怀寄托在领略大自然的美妙上,才更有机会去整理他那不平凡的思想和灵感。

许多有名的诗句也得力于作者当时心情的寂寞。常被后来人引用的:枯藤老树昏鸦,小桥流水人家,古道西风瘦马,夕阳西下,断肠人在天涯。作者当时如果没有深切的寂寞孤独的感受,决写不出这样的句子。又比如张若虚的春江花月夜中的:江天一色无纤尘,皎皎空中孤月轮。江畔何人初见月,江月何年初照人,也深深的刻画了作者当时那前不见古人,后不见来者的寂寞心情。

大多数的人都喜欢看到别人春风得意的笑脸,而不是悲秋画扇的牢骚。但是我也懂得,人与人只能在笑语喧哗的时候才显得亲热,没有人真正会分担我心灵上的孤独和寂寞。

在人生的漫长而又孤零的道路上,我只有独自承受与生俱来的寂寞。也许在某一个夜晚,我发出的光和热也会点亮一片小小的星空。在漫漫的长路中,温暖着某一个小小的心窝。

我的祈祷

我愿给自己力量

温暖一个小小心房

让我的余生把你照亮

让你孤独时候不会彷徨

让你的眼神永远充满阳光

忧虑恐怖中你不会失去希望

即使我得不到自由而一生慌张

总希望成就你一生的梦想和疯狂

篇2:论孤独优美散文

在将勋的孤独美学中,孤独有六种:语言孤独、情欲孤独、暴力孤独、革命孤独、思维孤独、伦理孤独。这样看来,可能我属于思维孤独的一种吧。

越长大越孤单,小时候没有完整的三观,我们可以和谁都能玩得好,因为并没有大的价值冲突。长大后有了完备的三观,我们会更多产生思维和语言的孤独。感到孤独我更觉得是个好现象,孤独是思想者最好的证明,好像伟大的人都在习惯孤独,在学会如何与之相处。

感到孤独的时刻我想每个人都会有这样的经历,就想一个人在一个密闭的空间或是山清水秀之地独立思考,如果有点本事端起架子走两笔,扬起自信奏木笛,享受着当下的清、静、柔、大和明。

于下、仔细省省,“不忘初心”的坚定早已抛之脑后,常常便无助的把握不了流动的摇摆的空气,所以孤独,久久自拔不了的孤独,非爱拯救的孤独。虽然知道不该让精神上背负太多的思绪,可怎么办呢,非圣人也难为圣人之举。

篇3:论《红字》中的孤独(英文)

Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864) is a very renowned American writer of fiction.Herman Melville even hails him as the“American Shakespeare”.He is an important fi gure in American literature.

The Scarlet Letter is one of the most famous masterpieces of Nathaniel Hawthorne in America in the19th century.It tells about a triangular love affair set in the Seventeenth-century Boston.An aging English scholar sends his beautiful young wife, Hester Prynne by name, to make their new home in New England.But for some reasons, the husband has not joined her in the colony.While waiting for her husband, Hester falls in love with Arthur Dimmesdale, her puritan minister, and has given birth to a child, Pearl.Hester’s former husband—Chillingworth knows the adultery after his arrival in Boston, and torments Dimmesdale to death.Many years later, Hester dies and she is buried with Dimmesdale.Their love continues after life, and the scarlet letter changes its meaning in people’s heart.

It can not be denied that the theme of loneliness, together with the themes of original sin, moral vision, religious beliefs and feminist ideas in The Scarlet Letter also deserves our attention and efforts.But it seems that very few scholars have ever done exhaustive research into the theme of loneliness in The Scarlet Letter, much less identify and distinguish the four distinctive connotations of loneliness represented by the four main characters.

1 A Brief Introduction of Loneliness

One of the fi rst recorded uses of the word“lonely”was in William Shakespeare’s Coriolanus which states“Though I go alone, like a lonely dragon…” (Shakespeare, 1608) It is said that loneliness is the most terrible poverty.And loneliness is the main psychological feeling of the four protagonists in The Scarlet Letter.So in the fi rst place, analysis of loneliness is obviously necessary.

1.1 Defi nitions of Loneliness

Nowadays, many people have the feeling of loneliness.This feeling has nothing to do with the crowd of people around them.Even if they have many close friends and family members, they may still feel lonely.It is something internal—something inside one’s soul.Then what exactly is loneliness?

Different people have different understanding of the term.Moustakas once defi ned the term as“Loneliness is a condition of human life, an experience of being human which enables the individual to sustain, extend, and deepen his humanity.Loneliness is within life itself” (1961:32) .In the view of Margalit, “Loneliness is an undesirable feeling associated with negative effects” (1994:12) .Weiss also stated that“Feelings of loneliness may result from an unfulfi lled desire to have friends, an understanding of the gap between an actual and desired social status, and a lack of affective bonding” (1973:79) .

In summary, loneliness is one of the scourges of humanity.It seems to affect everyone regardless of age or ethnicity.Whether you are a PhD or clergy, rich or poor, you are equally vulnerable.It is a feeling that intimacy, understanding, friendship, and acceptance are missing from one’s life.It is a feeling of isolation or separation from others, a feeling of being all alone.

1.2 Causes of Loneliness

There are many reasons that cause people’s loneliness, for instance, a subjective emotional experience that may be unrelated to actual social isolation—aloneness, an aversive psychological condition, and some form of social relationship defi cit.

The loneliness related to emotional isolation results from the absence of a person with whom one is emotionally connected.The loneliness experienced is a psychological state characterized by feelings of loss, distress, separation, and isolation.“Loneliness resulting from social isolation is related to a person’s perceived isolation from those around him or her.The emotional condition of loneliness in this regard is influenced by a deficit in the quantity of relationships, and/or the lack of relatedness to the social environment” (Lynch, 1997:249)

Many people experience loneliness for the first time when they are left alone as an infant.It is also a very common, though normally temporary, consequence of divorce or the breakup or loss of any important long-term relationship.In these cases, it may stem both from the loss of a specifi c person and from the withdrawal from social circles caused by the event or the associated sadness.

2 The Representation of Loneliness of the Four Characters2

In The Scarlet Letter, the four main characters Hester Prynne, Roger Chillingworth, Arthur Dimmesdale and Pearl all have their own kinds of loneliness, and their different frames of mind lead to the different types of life.This part plays the most important role in the thesis, through the analysis of the four characters, the main topic of the thesis is exposed gradually.The four protagonists’distinguishable loneliness is demonstrated through three aspects, that is, their inner thoughts, their words and behaviors.

2.1 Loneliness in Hester Prynne’s Alienation

In The Scarlet Letter, the loneliness that Hester Prynne suffered is the epitome of loneliness in human relationship.She seems to be in a lonely island, trying to approach other happy islands, but in vain.In reality, she is isolated from the outside world, including her parents, her husband, her lover and even her daughter.Though brave and tough, she feels lonely deep inside.Since being isolated from the community, she never speaks too much and seldom gets in touch with others.She lives a lonely life until she dies.

2.1.1 Hester Prynne’s Inner Struggle

From the beginning of this novel, Hester is presented to readers with an image of being alone.She stood at the gate of the prison and bore in her arms an infant daughter with the letter A in her bosom.Here A represented Alone and Alienation rather than Adultery.Then Hester stood on the scaffold aloft and far away from the crowd and the physical distance here manifested an internal alienation.

Hester suffered a lot because of her inner struggle.She was very lonely in her unhappy marriage.On the one hand, she accepted this marriage for the sake of her parents.On the other hand, this is not the marriage that she aspired.Hester was a beautiful young lady with an extremely passionate nature.She married a handicapped scientist Chillingworth who regarded himself as“a man of thought, the bookworm of great librariesa man already in decay and has the best years to feed the hunger dream of knowledge” (Hawthorne, 1996:29) .In contrast, Hester was in her green years, and had“a fi gure of perfect eleganceon a large scale.She had dark and abundant hair…and a face which, besides being beautiful from regularity of feature and richness of complexion, had the impressiveness belonging to a marked brow and deep black eyes” (Hawthorne, 1996:56) .She had an impulsive and passionate nature, whereas the husband devoted himself wholly to seeking the so-called truth in books.The unhappy marriage indicated that there was no mutual understanding and communication between Hester and her husband.She got no love but loneliness in this undesirable marriage.

2.1.2 Hester Prynne’s Short-spoken Languages

Hester was taciturn when she settled alone in Boston, a place far from her home.The scenes of this new town were foreign to her.The connection between Hester and her parents in England seemed to have been cut off.She often memorized that“her father’s face, with its bald brow and reverend white beard…her mother’s too, with the look of heedful and anxious love” (Hawthorne, 1996:27) .She was a lonely young lady sent ahead by her husband to the new world.

When waiting for her husband, she came across her pastor Dimmesdale and fell in love with him.After the hearsay which informed Hester that her husband had been lost at sea, they had an affair.This secret can no longer be hidden with Hester’s pregnancy.They incarcerated Hester and she must wear the scarlet letter“A”on her bosom.Though punished severely, Hester never identifi es her child’s father.She never made much explanation and complaints but kept silent.Hester was a lonely mother who gave birth to her baby in prison.She is a woman in need of consolation from her lover-Dimmesdale but she can never ask for it.Facing people’s abuses, she chose to tolerate all of these silently, instead of arguing on the basis of reason.

2.1.3 Hester Prynne’s Isolated Behaviors

Soon after she was released from prison, Hester resided in a small cottage which was abandoned by an earlier settler.The cottage was located on the outskirts of the town, and there were no other habitations around.In the novel, the detailed descriptions about the little and lonesome dwelling suggested that Hester was isolated from the community.Whenever Hester appeared, there was wide space separating her from other citizens.“As was usually the case wherever Hester stood, a small vacant area a sort of magichad formed itself about her, into which though the people were elbowing one another at a little distance, one ventured, or felt disposed to intrude” (Hawthorne, 1996:198) .The fact that Hester stood in a circle and others kept apart was a typical symbol of Hester’s solitude.In all her contact with society, there was nothing that made her feel as if she belonged to it.Every gesture, every word, and even the silence of people whom Hester contacted, implied, and often expressed, that she was banished and as much alone as if she inhabited another sphere.In people’s eyes, Hester seems to communicate with the world by otherorgans and senses, which was different from the rest of habitants.

Hester, a single mother, was in need of consolation and accompany from her lover to help her relieved from the state of loneliness and give her courage when facing the miserable life.On the contrary, Dimmesdale refuses to acknowledge Pearl as his daughter.He kept his dreadful secret under his care for seven years for fear that he would lose his love and could not be forgiven as“sometimes, once in many days, or perchance in many months, she felt an eye a human eye upon the ignominious brand that seemed to give a momentary relief, as if half of her agony were shared” (Hawthorne, 1996:32) .This delusion indicated Hester’s loneliness when she was longing for staying together again with her lover day by day.

2.2 Loneliness in Chillingworth’s Revenge

Roger Chillingworth, the man who intensifies the formation of the scarlet A is Hester’s husband.A man whose soul is portrayed by his ugly appearance and deformed body wants to take revenge to Dimmesdale.He is a lonely old man who is not loved by his wife and cannot feel the warmth of the family.Disguised himself as a doctor, Chillingworth got close to Dimmesdale and tortured him.A year after the young minister’s death, this poor old revenge-seeker died lonely.

2.2.1 Chillingworth’s Evil Thoughts

Roger Chillingworth was the husband of Hester an old and lonely scholar in England, when he came to the town from being kidnapped by Indians, he found Hester on the scaffold, with her infant daughter being punished for adultery.It was wrong for him to get married with Hester.His deformed outlook was in sharp contrast with Hester’s youth and beauty.

In view of the difference between Chillingworth and Hester, their union can be regarded as unnatural relationships of age and youth, deformity and youth, and a studious mind and a passionate nature.When Hester came to Boston alone, she fell in love with Arthur Dimmesdale, which resulted in adultery.In this point of view, Chillingworth was a lonely husband abandoned by his young and passionate wife.From that moment on his evilness was awakened.

The wronged husband took a false name Roger Chillingworth and asked his wife to keep the secret about his identity.“Roger”is phonetically close to“rogue”meaning scoundrel and rascal.“Chill”means“the unpleasant feeling of coldness”and“chilling”means“frightening”.“Worth”is the approximate homophone of“worse” (田俊武, 1999:102) .Therefore, the name“Roger Chillingworth”may refer to a frightening devil.As his name suggested, Chillingworth was a man deficient in human warmth.The loss of identity and the lack of human affection symbolized his isolation from the townspeople.

2.2.2 Chillingworth’s Obscure Languages

When Roger fi rst saw Hester on the scaffold, his heartlusted for revenge for the man who had done this to her.Later when Roger went to prison to cure baby Pearl, he made Hester promise to keep the secret of their marriage.Thus Roger now had Hester in his evil clutch and could now deal with Hester’s lover on his own terms.From then on, Roger Chillingworth was a lonely old revenge-seeker.

Chillingworth is a scholar and uses his knowledge to disguise himself as a doctor, intent on tormenting Dimmesdale.His inquisitions are clever, and he poses questions that infl ict anxiety and worry in the clergyman.When Roger asked Dimmesdale, “You would tell me, then, that I know all?” (Hawthorne, 1996:125) .The reverend’s character is stirred and his irritability in response to the question suggests that he is hiding something that creates discomfort when asked about the matter.

One day while Dimmesdale and Roger Chillingworth are talking about medicinal weeds that Chillingworth found on an old grave that had no tombstone or marking whatsoever, Chillingworth says to Dimmesdale, “…They grew out of his heart, and typify, it may be, some hideous secret that was buried with him, and which he had done better to confess during his lifetime” (Hawthorne, 1996:129) .It seems that Chillingworth can tell that Dimmesdale is hiding something that could be the cause of his health depleting.Chillingworth then asked“why not reveal them here?” (Hawthorne, 1996:129) .Chillingworth simply knows that there is something else, something that Dimmesdale has not yet come forth to tell him.

In these sinful languages, it is obviousthat, Chillingworth—a lonely revenge-seeker, is approaching his aim step by step.

2.2.3 Chillingworth’s Wicked Concealment

In order to fi nd out the truth, Chillingworth incorporates himself into society in the role of a doctor and takes his revenge step by step.He is doomed to be“Alone”in the left years of his life.

Several years later, there is a chance.The respectable clergyman Dimmesdale appears to be wasting away and suffers from a mysterious heart trouble for so long which seemed to be caused by his psychological distress Chillingworth attaches himself to the ailing minister and eventually moves in with him so that he can provide his patient with round-the-clock care.As there are some strange things on Dimmesdale, Chillingworth suspects that there may be a connection between the minister’s torments and Hester s secret, and he begins to test Dimmesdale to see what he can learn.

One afternoon, while the minister sleeps, Chillingworth discovers a mark on the man’s chest, which convinces him that his suspicions are correct.

But with what a wild look for wonder, joy, and horror!Withwhat a ghastly rapture, as it were, too mighty to be expressed only by the eye and features, and therefore bursting forth through the whole ugliness of his figure, and making itself even riotously manifest by the extravagant gestures with which he threw up his arms towards the ceiling, and stamped his foot upon the floor! (Hawthorne, 1996:155)

From the enormous glee that he shows, it is obvious that he has found what he considers to be proof of the reverend’s guilt perhaps the reverend bears some form of“A”on his own bosom.

Once Chillingworth discovers the true identity of his wife’s lover, he spends most of the rest of his life trying to get revenge on Dimmesdale, prying away, piece by piece, at Dimmesdale’s guilt-trodden soul.Chillingworth is a major factor in the minister’s illness and death.By pretending to be Dimmesdale’s doctor and friend, Chillingworth is able to ask Dimmesdale many questions that make Dimmesdale spiritually and physically ill.

As a revenge-seeker, as lorn creature that he was, Roger Chillingworth was doomed to be lonely in his whole life.Frustrated in his revenge, Chillingworth died a year later.

2.3 Loneliness in Dimmesdale’s Psycho-punishment

Arthur Dimmesdale, the man who marks an A in his own chest but dare not acknowledge Hester and Pearl as his wife and daughter in the daylight is also suffering a lot.He keeps his dreadful secret and suffers from mysterious heart trouble.He cannot companion his lover and acknowledge his daughter, the only thing he can do is beg for God’s forgiveness alone.He cuts himself off from community and withers spiritually as well as physically.After confessing publicly on the scaffold, he died peacefully.

2.3.1 Dimmesdale’s Disquiet

The most complex character in the novel is the good minister Arthur Dimmesdale in which“dim”means“not bright”and“dale”means“valley”, thus the name“Dimmesdale”hints that the minister’s inner mind is like a deep and hidden valley, inaccessible to the community (田俊武, 1999:101) .The minister’s name again implied his estrangement from his congregation.

Dimmesdale was a hypocritical minister isolating himself from the community and his lover.He fell in love with Hester, and became the adulterer, but he did not admit it when Hester had been questioned.Dimmesdale was guilty of two sins.One was the commission of adultery with Hester, and the other was his cowardly and hypocritical failure to confess his sin.Unlike Hester who openly exposed her sin, Dimmesdale lived with a buried sin of his own, which was the source of his endless agony.In private, Arthur Dimmesdale tried to avoid a truly intimaterelationship with his fl ock so that the community could not enter his world.He seemed to be at a loss in the pathway of human existence, and could be only at ease in some seclusion of his own.He walked alone, often in shadowy bypaths.

2.3.2 Dimmesdale’s Sentimental Words

The good minister just doesn’t have the courage to admit his wrongs.He seems to be a coward during these seven years of living with guilt.

Although Dimmesdale’s weaknesses are more predominantly shown throughout the novel as something that took away his inner strengths, what actually added to his more subtle strengths making them seem larger than life.His inability to see the truth becomes an important trait that shows what he deals with his emotions.He is a solitary one who suffered from the soul-punishment and seemed to be abandoned by God.Dimmesdale is always looking for answers that cannot be answered, like“What can a ruined soul, like mine, effect towards the redemption of other souls?—or a polluted soul, towards their purification?” (Hawthorne, 1996:174) .His focus on purifying his body becomes the main focus of his mind searching for something that cannot be conceived.

Throughout the story, Dimmesdale desperately tries to confess, envying Hester, for her courage as he says“Happy are you Hester, that wear the scarlet letter openly upon your bosom!” (Hawthorne, 1996:188) .He also said to himself, “Be true!Be true!Be true!Show freely to the world, if not your worst, yet some trait whereby the worst may be inferred” (Hawthorne, 1996:242) .

Finally, Dimmesdale reveals his truths to the town after he has preached a finest sermon and after the town is holding him so very high on a pedestal.Dimmesdale says to the town, “…ye, that have loved me!ye that have deemed me holy!behold me here, the one sinner of the world!At last!at last!I stand upon the spot where, seven years since, I should have stood;here, with this woman…” (Hawthorne, 1996:237) .Now that Dimmesdale confesses his secret, standing on scaffold with his lover and daughter, he was not alone any more.He can free his soul.

2.3.3 Dimmesdale’s Beg for Salvation

To be a pious puritan, Dimmesdale begged for salvation.He was a lonely beggar praying for God’s grace.The irony he portrayed and the hypocrisy that he lived was such a grand sin in itself.He lived to face his sin every single day, because he was a minister and would have to answer to the townsfolk after he had admitted and face God every day.His character has perhaps the central struggle in this novel, for he has the struggle within, and the struggle portrayed outwardly to the town and Hester.He suffered under body disease and was gnawed and tortured by some black trouble of the soul.He thus typified the constantintrospection wherewith he tortured, but could not purify, himself.

As is known to all, Adam and Eve, who were expelled from the Garden of Eden for eating fruits from the tree of knowledge, were forced to toil on earth.The experience of Hester and Dimmesdale reminds readers of the story of Adam and Eve because, in both cases, sin results in expulsion and suffering.In the case of Dimmesdale, he committed the sin of adultery and consequently he suffered a lot to gain moral regeneration and the graceful pardon from God, but in vain.His family members became unpardonable sinners because of his hidden sin.At the end of the novel, he heroically threw off the hypocrisy, pride, and the fears that had made his life an ongoing deception and mounted the steps of the scaffold in broad daylight.With his last breath Dimmesdale was able to bring a certain peace to his own soul and dropped the unbearable burden in mind.In the light of his religious beliefs, Dimmesdale gained moral salvation and he could go to heaven to enjoy God’s grace.However, the loss of life is the greatest punishment for a sinner and Dimmesdale is not at all forgiven by God.

2.4 Loneliness in Pearl’s Growth

As the living embodiment of the scarlet letter, Hester’s beloved daughter and elf-child—Pearl is growing up in loneliness.The child is always asking for paternal recognition and social admission unconsciously.The great black forest becomes the playmate for the lonely infant and she would be gentler in wilderness, therefore, she is a child of nature.

2.4.1 Pearl’s Lonely Childhood

Pearl is the daughter of Hester and Dimmesdale.Hester gives her baby this name that“purchased with all she had, her mother’s only treasure” (Hawthorne, 1996:44-45) .Actually pearl is a kind of precious jewelry and the name indicates that little Pearl is an extraordinary child and the striking difference leads to her isolation from her peers.

To Pearl, “A”also means alone and alienation.She is“a born outcast of the infantile world.An imp of evil, emblem and product of sin, she had no right among christened infants” (Hawthorne, 1996:105) .Because of her mother’s shameful sin, no one want to company her and play with her, she is accepted only by nature and animals, and ostracized by the other Puritan children.She is absolutely alone and alienated.Nothing was more remarkable than the instinct, as it seemed, with which the child comprehended her loneliness and the destiny that had drawn an inviolable circle round about her.She wants the attention from the society.

In The Scarlet Letter, Pearl is referred to as“one of those naughty elfs or fairies or...a little bird of scarlet plumage” (Hawthorne, 1996:97) .The comparison of Pearl to an elf or fairies adds a sense of alienation and mystery to her personality.

2.4.2 Pearl’s Desire for Recognition

An elf-child as Pearl is, she had no father’s love in her growing path.She lived with her mother.In the world, she just had mother’s love.For his publicity, Dimmesdale can’t admit Pearl as his daughter.He abandoned her forever.Several years past, Pearl does not know who her father is and Hester will answer none of her questions about her past.Because of her nonexistent history she naturally becomes a very curious child.She desires to know what Hester will not tell her.

During the meeting near the brook when Hester and Dimmesdale decide to move to Europe, Hester tries to convince Pearl to kiss her father, she responds, “Will he go back with us, hand in hand, we three together, into the town?” (Hawthorne, 1996:187) .and Hester responds that he will not in the near future.Dimmesdale remains steadfast with his belief that he must not reveal his secret to the people.Because Pearl continuously demands public recognition, Dimmesdale is fearful towards her.Therefore, it is understood that Pearl does not accept him as a father or loved one until he acknowledges her on Election Day.

On the Election Day, while Dimmesdale gave his sermon, Pearl said, “Mother...was that the same minister that kissed me by the brook?” (Hawthorne, 1996:276) , and Hester responded, “We must not always talk in the market-place of what happens to us in the forest“.The confession fi nally gives Dimmesdale a sense of peace.Pearl is transformed at the end of the novel when Dimmesdale stands with her on the scaffold and makes his confession.It is obvious that the child has longed for his love and acceptance in the public.When he asks her for a kiss this time, she willingly gives it.“Pearl kissed his lips.A spell was broken” (Hawthorne, 1996:251) .Her sense of human identity is established in her acceptance of Dimmesdale’s paternity.As a result, she cries with real human emotion for the fi rst time, foreshadowing that her past is put away and she will be able to live a normal life in the future.

3 Conclusion

In order to make analysis of what is loneliness and how loneliness is represented in The Scarlet Letter, this thesis had talked about the meaning, causes, and demonstration of the word“loneliness”as well as the four characters’psychological feelings, usage of language and daily actions which contributed to reveal their different types of loneliness.Besides, the writer’s own personality and family atmosphere along with the social and cultural backdrops are also the main topics discussed in the thesis.By reading this thesis, one can have a better understanding of how Hawthorne used his writing skills to present the four protagonists’loneliness, how the writer expressed loneliness among human being, society and God, and the possible reasons that Hawthorne tends to create lonely fi gures in The Scarlet Letter.

As far as Hawthorne’s achievements in psychological description had been attached, more theses on the psychological study of his novels will be of much signifi cance

参考文献

[1] Hawthorne, Nathaniel. The Scarlet Letter [M]. Beijing: The Commercial press, 1996.

[2] Lynch, James J. The Broken Heart: The Medical Consequences of Loneliness [M]. New York: Basic Books, 1977: 249.

[3] Margalit, Malka. Loneliness among Children with Special Needs [C]. New York: Springer-Verlag, 1994: 12.

[4] Moustakas, Clark E. Loneliness [M]. New Jersey: Prentice-Hall Inc., 1961: 32.

[5] Shakespeare, William. Coriolanus [DB/OL]. [2011-3-20]. http:// www. shakespeare-literature. com/Coriolanus/17.html

[6] Weiss, Robert S. Loneliness: The Experience of Emotional and Social Isolation [M]. Cambridge: MIT Press, 1973: 79.

篇4:论孤独优美散文

从来不记得自己曾经用达斡尔话和谁交流过,没有那样的记忆,关于那些话像一串串灯笼花似的从我嘴里鱼贯而出。

妈妈说,我小的时候还是可以张开十个手指头用民族话数数的。随着一个一个数字从我嘴里排着队走出来,我的一根一根手指依次向手心聚拢,数到十的时候,我的两个小手便握成两个拳头,就像我费力地从母体来到这个世界时一样。

要说这世上有什么能在自己的手心留住,除了人类的温度,也就只有自己无形的灵魂了,我是这样猜测的,否则为什么我们出生的时候都紧握着双手?有人说是因为我们每一个人都需要握紧拳头坚强地面对生活的艰辛,可我总觉得是因为我们都攥着自己的灵魂降生。人的温度和灵魂一样,都不是松开手就消失的东西。

我这双手心也有过很多过客,泥巴、清水、猫咪在夏天掉的毛、玩具娃娃、一只兔子的黑耳朵、爸爸齿间流淌出的告别、妈妈的温暖,当然还有幼儿园老师教授的母语的音节。

妈妈说,那个时候我每天晚上躺在炕上临睡之前,把被子整齐地拉到胸口,意味着准备就绪,然后手指和嘴巴就开始动起来,我只能从一数到十,有些是两声音节,有些是三声的,数到十的时候会突然把两臂振起,音量加大,好像在宣布一个工程的告结。妈妈不大明白我为什么每天例行公事地在被窝里进行这项“作业”,而不是在其它任何时候,现在想来应该源于老师的一句嘱咐,她多半是说:回家后可以利用睡前的时间练习一下哦。但我是个直肠子、实惠人,把老师的这句嘱咐当做命令一样执行了。

十好像是一个三声的音节,如果我没记错的话。

2

以前从不知道听到一种语言可以产生一种生理反应,应该是从几年前开始,当那些话从表姐夫的嘴里利利索索地蹦跶出来时,就像一个小小的槌敲打着我的心鼓,哪怕是在夏季,也会感到一种温暖,很舒服,并不会使四周的温度升高,它在我的体内化成一股清流,直往百汇上冲,然后我便有一种想哭的感觉。

从来不知道表姐夫跟大姨或者妈妈在说些什么,也很少问,我很喜欢这种语言在我耳边像音乐一样回响着,毕竟我离开家乡已有 9年的时间,也不是总有机会听得到它。如果我像儿时一样总因为感到隔阂不断地问他们在说什么,让他们把说过的话翻译成汉语,我怕又要减少我一生之中能够听到它的机会了。

姐夫、大姨、大姨夫和妈妈是现在“我的家族”里唯一会说母语的四个人。我不大懂族谱什么的,我是姑娘,如果有天要落在族谱上,大概也要落在夫婿家的族谱上吧,可这些只不过是讲形式的东西,我是一个户口本上连姓都没有的人,我就做我自己的种子。

对我来说,我的内心里有一个属于我自己的家族,如果非要定义的话,那么就是所有和妈妈有血缘关系的人吧,再精确一点,就是生活在我身边的那些、我非常熟悉的、跟妈妈有血缘关系的人。比如姥爷,老姨,大姨,大姨家的哥姐以及他们的爱人等等。“我的家族”不是完全按照血缘来列表的,它基于我对人情感的亲疏,所以“我的家族”里,没有父亲,他就像他给我的另一半异族血液一样,让我觉得遥远和陌生。

如果不是当了多年的游子,我可能都不会意识到我身边流失了一种非常重要的东西——我的母语,虽然我听不懂,可直到考上大学离家之前,它都像我生命中的背景音乐一样常伴左右。

我不知道怎样形容那种感受,我的母语,我不会说也听不懂,可能就像母亲为你做的那些日常琐事一样,在你学习非常忙碌的时候,给你洗衣服、给你做好饭、给你熬汤药,可这些并不会引起你的注意。也许跟外面世界的嘈杂有关,以至于我没能意识到在我离开家的一刻,这个声音就跟母亲一起被我留在了身后。

上大学的时候,一年回家两次;工作以后,减少到一次。在四个会说母语的亲人里,每次回去都能见到大姨、大姨夫和妈妈,但不是每次都能见到表姐夫。

大姨夫是一个沉默寡言的人,从小到大,就没怎么听过他讲话,更别说听他讲大量的达斡尔话了。小的时候,他偶尔说些笑话气我,就像现在偶尔说些笑话气他的小外孙,他都用汉语,毕竟我们也只能听懂汉语。

大姨比妈妈爱说民族话,她是那种说汉语带点民族口音的女人,说话的时候慢条斯理,舌头打卷,但绝不是北京腔里的儿话音,听起来甚是可爱优雅。后来兴许是因为她带了外孙好几年,也兴许是因为总见不到我怪想的,反正每次回去很难再听到她和妈妈说达斡尔话,偶尔说几句,就像是一根手指在钢琴键上潦草地敲了几下,不成音乐。

表姐夫是四人之中母语说得最好的一个,因为他来自一个叫库如奇的村屯,而“我的家族”里的人都是在尼尔基镇上长大的。如果说你在莫力达瓦旗遇到一个说达斡尔话说得非常流利、可以不加任何汉语词汇的人,那么这个人肯定是在达斡尔族聚集村屯长大的。

表姐夫跟大姨一样,有民族口音,甚至更重,他是除了不得不说的时候才说汉语的那种人,可他的儿子,我大姨的外孙,也并没有因此学会达斡尔话。大姨为此惋惜,可又毫无办法,只给他取了一个达斡尔名字——莫德尔提,意思是“有智慧的人”,除了对他前途的期待,想来也是为了时刻提醒着他自己的根吧。

我猜他不会忘记,也丝毫不会有心亏的感觉,他不像我,毕竟他的体内没有两种血液在斗争,即便他不会说达斡尔话,他完整纯粹的血缘让他不必想急切地证明自己的民族身份,他不像我。

3

达斡尔语没有文字,只有语言,这种语言如果要得以被传承,唯一的方式就是口口相授,甚至不应该是一种教授,它必须时时刻刻渗透在一个人的生活之中。我不说生命,因为我很清楚,虽然我不会说也听不懂,但我生命里有它的存在,深深刻刻实实在在地存在于我二分之一的血液之中。

我不是一个纯粹的达斡尔人,这是说我的血统。

我的父亲是一个汉人,用族语说就是“NiaKen”,分别读三声二声,我只能结合汉语拼音和英语音标拼凑出这个不是词汇的词汇,让人可以标准地将它读出来,这是一个简单的发音,不需要动用舌尖的颤抖就可以完成。

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小时候,这个词在我耳畔出现的频率最高,每次一有人把它像帽子一样扣在我头上,都能招致我大喊大叫击鼓鸣冤,我会立即陷入委屈,然后否认辩解——我不是 NiaKen!我不是 NiaKen!好像他们说的并不是一个民族,而是来自太空的外星人。最爱用这个词说我的人就是大姨,每每看到小小的我竟然因为一个词大动肝火她就咧着嘴巴眯着眼睛憋不住地乐,有时候反而故意地用它来气我呢。

我会愤怒并不是因为这个词有任何贬义,就像大姨和表姐每次夸奖我继承父亲水汪汪的大眼睛时,我也一样不开心(但是我承认比说我是 NiaKen高兴点),在“我的家族”里,从我的姥爷到年纪最小、大我 7岁的小表哥,所有人之中,只有我一个人长着大大的眼睛,只有我一个人有着一半外族血统,不管他们因为我可爱漂亮如何放肆地宠爱我,我都无法摆脱我是一个异类的感觉。

他们一定是在开玩笑,可我感受到的却是深切的孤独,我就像一个疯人院的疯子大喊“我不是疯子”一样,以为蛮横和喊叫就能驱散我体内不一样的血液,或者也不是一种驱散吧,就像电影《七个精神病》里的 2号精神病老头一样,总是带着一块方巾遮挡着咽喉部的伤疤,是遮挡,是不想被提醒。

后来,妈妈说,我应该也有满族血统,我的父亲不是一个彻底的汉人。之所以有了这个说法是因为奶奶告诉妈妈,她小的时候也管自己的爸爸叫阿玛,加上她出生在辽宁——满族人的发祥地,很难不让人猜测她的家族是由于“驱除鞑虏”而改称汉族的满人。

我中意这个说法,尽管没有取证,因为这个说法削弱了我除了达斡尔族之外的其他两种血统:汉满分别是四分之一和四分之一,加在一起才是二分之一,那么占有大量比例的达斡尔族的血在这场血液的斗争中便遥遥领先了,它们可以像一队挥军而上的大部队一样占领我的心地,在我的心之上树一面大旗。

4

我不知道自己为什么没有学会达斡尔话,现在时常责问母亲,她每次回答得都不大一样,有时候说是因为没有放在心上、没有这种意识,就很自然地用汉语将我带大了;有时候说是因为怕我跟小朋友玩耍的时候被孤立;有时候说是因为怕我上学的时候学习有障碍,大概就这三种说法,颠来倒去地解释我的质问,偶尔也有结合在一起的时候。其实我也不是发自内心地指望母亲给我一个“说法”,毕竟我已经错失了可以学会母语的最佳时机,只是觉得叹惋,只是在用一种发问的方式来长吁短叹吧。

据说那个时候镇上像我这个年纪左右的小孩都没有把达斡尔话作为出生时第一接触的语言,因为从幼儿园到高中,所有的授课都用汉语来完成。虽然我们是全世界唯一一个以达斡尔族的名义建立起来的自治政府,但到了 80年代中期,镇上的汉族人就已经比达斡尔族人多很多很多了,整个莫力达瓦达斡尔族自治旗有 26万人口的时候,达斡尔族人只占六分之一。

我的家族里,从老姨开始就不会说达斡尔族话了,她也不是一开始就不会,大概在她四五岁的时候吧。老姨生于六十年代末,比妈妈小 12岁,12年的光阴,可以为一个城镇带来多么巨大的改变,一棵杨树可以在 12个春天撒下多少种子,又生长出多少棵新的树,更不要说一种语言在大时代之下的流失。

至于表姐和表哥,听说表姐小的时候也是会说的,大一些的时候突然开始非常抵制说民族话,我猜想是因为这种民族的独特性让她在许多汉族玩伴面前像一个异类了,于是她也像我一样,选择一种自己的方式企图去遮挡、去掩盖。

小表哥关于民族话的历史情报我没有掌握,只知道他大学毕业去鄂温克旗上班之后突然对母语产生了悸动,他开始主动地学习一些民族话,可是他的舌头早就被汉语调教得像一块硬面疙瘩了。每次过年回来,他一本正经地跟我妈说上几句民族话,说到那些需要舌头打卷的词汇时,他坚硬的舌头都让他显得非常蹩脚,我超想笑,可看着他似乎是带着一种神圣的神情在说这些话呢,我便又感慨起来,我很能体会他内心之中的情愫——远走之后,总想再以什么方式贴近这片水土和自己的根血,特别是表哥,他的工作编制已经将他钉在别处,即便有时日可以回到家乡,也从此都是一个过客了。

“……等到我开口说话,令奶奶惊奇的是,我说出来的全部是汉语,有些她还不甚了了,仅仅一年的时间我竟不会讲自己的母语了,只可以听。……奶奶去世后,我便再次丢弃了我的语言,这是一个无意识的过程,现在我才感到我便是我们民族命运的一个小小的缩影……”这是老姨苏莉的散文《旧屋》里的文字。

我从没有问过老姨关于自己不能说母语的感触,她在多年前远嫁到科尔沁草原,与许多蒙古族和更多的汉族人生活在一起,我不知道她是不是和我一样觉得自己的身边少了一样至关珍宝的声音,毕竟她曾经比我离母语更近。

有一段时间,她加入了一个被称作母语群的微信群,群里充斥着和我们一样担心母语消逝的人,还有那些背井离乡无处诉说和聆听母语的人。老姨一开始很兴奋,似乎终于找到可以缩短时间空间的虫洞一样的东西让她得以随时随地贴近母语,也许她还怀着重新学习的打算加入进去了呢。

所有的人都是饥饿的,他们对故乡的眷恋、对民族的牵扯、对母语消失的恐慌,所有的人都在说话。也许是因为老姨终究是一个害怕喧嚣的人,也许是因为老姨对自己不能加入他们的对话痛心疾首,他们每一个人都成为时刻提醒她儿时丧失了对母语掌握的闹钟,也许因为一些别的原因,反正,她最终退却了。

老姨说,她是我们民族命运的一个小小的缩影,其实这个缩影里也包括我、包括我的外甥莫德尔提——从纯正的血统到加入了外族血液,从可以听说到只可以听,就像聚集村里长大的孩子可以不掺杂任何一个汉语词汇,而镇上长大的会说达斡尔话的人会把汉语和达语夹在一起,这是一个漫长的过程,一个渐变的过程,在每一代人的身上民族的烙印越来越浅。

我和外甥,我们既不会说,也听不懂。

我怎么又敢去想象一百年以后。

5

2014年 8月 1日,我 28周岁,我带着我的汉族男人到家乡莫力达瓦去举办婚礼。也就是在这个夏天,也许是因为我的婚事,表姐夫终于频频出现在我面前,和大姨和妈妈说着达斡尔话,让我一次一次掩盖自己因为听到乡音想哭的冲动。

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他开着新买的轿车拉着我和我的汉族男人还有妈妈去他老家库如奇村看山看江还有清泉,一路上车里都回响着汉语的草原歌曲,《呼伦贝尔大草原》什么的,每当他和妈妈说起什么的时候,生平第一次,我觉得如此美好的音乐是那么多余。

我是一个达斡尔族姑娘,至少我的心是一颗完整的达斡尔的心,我很想在婆家举办婚礼的时候用最直接的方式去证明,我在车里要求妈妈教我唱一首达斡尔民歌,它的汉语名字是《忠实的心呐想念你》:

“清水河边有歌声

我急急忙忙走过去

听见我爱人在歌唱

水鸟对对双双飞

吶耶耶呢耶耶呐耶呢耶呐耶耶”

很多年前我就会唱这个汉语版的,当时并没觉得有多好听,因为它的旋律非常简单,我对它的忽略程度到了在任何一个场合有人要求我唱一个民族歌曲的时候,我都不会选它,尽管我对它无比熟悉。而对于婚礼,我不得不选它,因为它是我会唱的唯一一个热烈的民族情歌,会在婚礼现场很应景。

达斡尔语原版歌曲的歌词变成了这样:

“WulariWulariMorisinNei

WulenZhoulenYaoDerTie……”

它们从妈妈嘴里流淌出来的一刻便瞬间打动了我,是一种颠覆的感觉,颠覆了我对这个歌曲十几年来的印象,达斡尔语的每一个音节都恰当地落在每一个音符之上,契合出一个完整的节奏感。

我终于理解了以前一个哈萨克族 80后诗人艾多斯跟我说的话,他会俄语,他说,翻译成汉语的俄语诗歌真是大打折扣,根本不要去看翻译后的作品,像阿赫玛陀娃的诗歌翻译之后所有的韵律都被破坏了。关于诗歌,我总觉得有胜于无,对于我们这些不会俄语的人来说,能看到翻译作品已实属幸运。而于我更幸运的是,我至少还可以通过歌曲来实现跟母语的亲近。

妈妈一个音节一个音节地断给我听,歌词里到处都是如同陷阱一般的舌尖颤音,我拼命地模仿着,令我惊喜的是,我可以很完整地完成它们,这个时候,舌头就化成了水浪,任它随着兴致打卷翻滚。兴奋之余,我还没忘了踩踩我的小表哥,我得意忘形地问妈妈:“我比小哥强吧?”她不需要正面回答我的问题,她早就在我出色地完成一个一个颤音的时候发出认可和欣慰的表情。

我那个对新鲜事物有强烈体验欲的汉族男人也动用起他的舌头模仿起来,他的舌头多半只能打一个卷,听上去像一个说话大舌头的人,偶尔费力地卷出几个卷的时候,舌头的动作又非常迟缓,如果真说起达斡尔话来,大概又会像一个智障吧?

我到底没能学会那首歌的原版,我只是可以模仿的时候出色的完成一个读音,当声音一落,它在我的脑中也随着声音一起消失了,没有文字,无法记录,完全不明其意的我根本记不住完整的句子,就像儿时以为可以将十个音节攥在手心,最后也不过随着许多记忆一同被时光埋葬。

正式婚礼的时候,婆家的司仪采用了最为模式化的主持方式,匆匆忙忙地向亲友介绍了我是一个以写字为生的人,并忽略了我同样引以为傲的达斡尔族身份。不说也罢,对许多人来说,少数民族只意味着可以生多胎,他们才不会在乎你的祖先、你的血脉,他们也不在乎你是达斡尔族、鄂温克族还是鄂伦春族,对他们来说,相差无几。

他们不问你从哪里来,只问你到哪里去。

6

我有时嫉妒那些可以说自己民族语言的人,任何一个民族都嫉妒,尤其是那些与我年纪相仿的人,不像我的舌头,那么孤独,只能与汉语为伍。

来到北京之后认识了一个叫梦迪的女人,她创办了一个达斡尔论坛,就像一个后花园,把世界各地的达斡尔族同胞通过网络连接在一起。论坛每年都会举办一次称作“达斡尔之夜”的聚会,与他们接触得多了,我的生命中出现了一个新的词汇——族人。每次聚会认识了新的族人我基本上都会问同一个问题:

“你会说达斡尔话吗?”

如果对方说不会,我会立即产生一种心理平衡,可同时更加浓郁的情绪是惋惜,我既害怕他们都会说达斡尔族话而我不会,我会重历儿时异类的孤独感,我又担心大家都丧失了对这种语言的掌握,导致终有一天母语的消失。

如果对方说会,我的双眸会立即发亮,对这个人产生一种敬仰和嫉妒掺杂的双重情感,特别是当对方年纪与我相仿甚至比我小的时候,我会因为他嘴里的这一个字,认定他是一个有良心的人,一个不忘本的人。会和不会,惋惜也好,敬仰也罢,终究是人家的事,我们在北京生活、工作、玩耍,见面的时候,相互之间还是说汉语的时候多。

我为我的婚事真正喝醉是在北京,在 10月份补办的那次酒席上,零零散散地三十多个人坐了四桌,有我汉族男人的同事、朋友,还有我的亲戚、朋友和几个关系要好的族人。两桌酒还没敬完我就已经晕得视线狭窄、走路摇晃,之所以那么拼命地喝,是因为我知道在北京能坐到我这个无名小卒酒席上的人,都是我真正可以掏心掏肺的人。

喝得正酣,我的两个族人,一个我叫他达哥,一个是我的初中同学,他们两人端着杯子去敬当时屋里年纪最大的人——我的姨姥姥,因为达斡尔族人敬老尊长的传统非常严厉。猝不及防,他们两个人嘴里连珠炮似的说了一大串达斡尔语,虽然他们不是对着我说的,可是他们的话却像一根箭刺到我心上。

兴许是因为醉酒了吧,我的眼泪顷刻间滚出眼眶,随之而来的是我嚎啕的声音,极其放肆强烈的嚎啕的声音,所有人都愣住了。正在别桌敬酒的我的汉族男人跑过来抱住我,连连问我究竟为什么哭。我说不出话,只顾着嚎啕,好像要把从儿时积攒到那天的所有关于我民族身份的委屈都哭出来。

那天我穿了一件酒红色的长裙,我的男人穿着一身酒红色的西服,我们两人就站在四个桌子之间的空地——整个房间的正中央,不分你我地紧紧抱在一起,不知道从空中俯视下去是不是像两个缠在一起的花蕊?一个拼命哭着,一个拼命抹着哭者的眼泪,把她涂的并不防水的睫毛膏抹了她一脸。

所有人的瞩目让我知道我必须有个交代,我从嚎啕的间隙挤出几个字:“我不会说达斡尔话。”大家都笑了,也许他们觉得我很天真吧?只有我的男人依然紧紧地搂着我,不顾旁人亲我的脸颊,可又是那么无能为力。妈妈从卫生间回来的时候,惊愕地问周围的人怎么回事,当她知道我哭的原因之后,她没有像大家一样笑了,毕竟是我的母亲,与我血脉相连,她擦着我眼泪安慰我说,以后再学吧。

nlc202309081159

后来跟妈妈回忆起那天的事,我并没有觉得我傻,她也没有。她说,你的爱人那么疼你,你半夜想喝饮料,他就跑到 24小时超市给你买;你想吃水果,他拖着病着的身体也给你带回来;只要你想的,他能做到的都会做,做不到也许还会自责,可是那天,他只能抱着你却什么也做不了,他一定觉得那比跟他要一颗星星还让他为难吧。

我不知道母语是怎样定义的,是一个人出生后最早接触并使用的语言,还是一种深埋在血液中的语言,我只知道,当你听到母语的时候,你会周身颤抖、为之动容,你会觉得安全,就像身处于寒冬里的被窝。这是任何一种其它语言都不能代替的,其它语言可以是十八般武艺,可以是一张级别证书,可以是一个走向世界的通行证,它可以给你带来新鲜、愉悦、骄傲,可绝不是温暖,不是。

如果血液可以发出声音就好了,那么我就不必像一个无法证明自己没有犯罪的人一样无法证明自己是一个达斡尔族,如果血液可以代替我说话,那么,我也许可以在我想证明自己是一个真正的达斡尔族人的时候稍稍地流点血,而不是流眼泪。

毕竟流血只是皮肉之痛,而流眼泪是因为心在痛。

7

今年夏天之前,我从没有见过一个真正的萨满。

当人类对自然的情感状态从最初的畏惧到现在的攫取,以万物作为神灵的萨满教不可避免地没落了。文明使人们不再需要一个萨满作为神灵的代言人,就像鄂温克族作家乌热尔图的小说《你让我顺水漂流》里描写的一样,更多的人对萨满怀着一种猎奇心理,看“萨满”与神灵的对话就像在看一场表演,而真正对自然充满敬畏的老去的萨满只能趟在桦皮船里随水漂流而下,等待自然收回他的呼吸和生命,就像收回了曾经与人类的交流。

如果不是我的家乡莫力达瓦旗政府为了申请萨满文化之乡,碰巧我的表姨是旅游局局长,我猜我这辈子也没机会见到萨满的通灵仪式。以前听妈妈说,法术高强的萨满可以身穿两百斤以上的萨满服身轻如燕地翩翩起舞、旋转跳跃,还可以踩在鸡蛋上,所以,可想而知,我为自己将要见到萨满施法是什么样的心情,可必须承认,除了对萨满文化的尊重,我有猎奇的心理。

我们抵达山坡下面的时候,前来参加仪式的人的轿车就已经排着队停满了,一个个车头朝着山坡,像是在爬行,像是在仰望,像是一个个朝圣者。除了政府的车辆,更多的是“莫日登”家族的车,“莫日登”姓大概是我们达斡尔族人里最庞大的一个家族姓氏了,而此次的萨满通灵仪式就是要与他们的祖先取得联系。

走近一个石头堆好的敖包,前面摆放着一只烤熟的牛头,还有牛奶和烈酒,燃烧的香和一些糖,我有些扫兴,这说明祭祀仪式已经完毕了。再转头去看人堆里坐在椅子上的萨满,她前后胸分别带着代表日月的铜镜,身上挂满各种代表四季、节气、三百六十五天的饰品等等,头上戴着鹿角帽,最惹人瞩目的是她肩头上的两个布制小鸟,据说那是神灵传话的信使。她闭着眼睛手里拿着萨满鼓一边敲着,嘴里一边念着。我更扫兴了,这说明她念祈祷词之前的萨满舞已经结束了。

祭祀和萨满舞是我最想看的,因为她嘴里的祈祷词都是达斡尔话,我一句也听不懂。她前面跪了许多莫日登家族的后人,我问妈妈她在说什么,同样从来没看过萨满仪式的妈妈既想给我解释,又想专心听,很是敷衍,我又一次感到自己成了局外人,但是我当时并没有伤感,因为听不懂的人实在太多了,我有我的阵营,我和他们一起围在外围,时而说些悄悄话。

那天真热,我身上发粘,站得久了,腿也酸了,我那个汉族男人拿着手机在人群里窜来窜去,找合适的角度拍照录像。

“怎么这么长时间啊?”我有点不耐烦了。

“她在请先人,也许因为是白天吧,请得有些费劲。”妈妈捂着嘴以很小的声音好好地回答了我。

我又扫兴又无聊又绝望,我想这里烈日当空,估计把这个老萨满唱的嗓子都冒烟了也未必能将莫日登家族的祖先请来了。很多人也跟我一样开始焦躁,窃窃私语的声音开始逐渐面积扩大。

“嘘!”有人说。

这时,老萨满对面的年轻一些的萨满突然有了动静,此前她一直闭着眼睛坐在那里,汗水从她露出不多的脸上不停流着,有几个人扶着她,并在她嘴里塞着一小块方巾。妈妈说,那是怕她咬舌头。

她突然从凳子上一跃而起,果然穿着几百斤的萨满服转起圈来,我兴奋了,踮起脚尖目不转睛地盯着她,不过她转了几圈就倒在地上,起身之后也敲起了萨满鼓,开始用达斡尔话唱起来。

我泄了气似的干脆坐在地上,我想这一行也就是这样了吧。

她唱了一会儿,我突然看到妈妈推开眼镜在擦眼泪,我以为发生了什么,又站起来张望,萨满还是坐在那儿一下一下敲着鼓,一句一句唱着词。然后我又看到我的表姨也在抽泣。

“你怎么了?”我问我妈,我怀疑她是不是中邪了,因为我听说以前有个舞蹈演员因为跳一个以萨满为主题的舞就中邪了。

“太可怜了。”她边说边把手搭在表姨肩膀,表姨也连连点头并擦眼泪。

“怎么回事啊?”我又问。

妈妈说,此时正在唱歌的人正是莫日登家族的祖先,是一个活着的时候被称为“疯老太太”的女人,她讲起她生前的苦楚,讲她过世后灵魂孤独的飘零,讲她每次看到自己后人,用手抚摸他们,可是他们根本感觉不到,她说,她希望她后人的内心可以像七个孔的泉水一样澄清……

我也哭了,泪水像她嘴里唱出的泉水一样洗掉了我之前的一切情绪——扫兴、无聊、炎热、疲惫,洗掉了我对于一个萨满所有的猎奇心。再看她的时候,眼光不自主地肃穆起来,心酸,但绝不是怜悯。我会哭,不只是因为她生前与死后的孤独,我看着那些跪在她面前的后人表情木讷,我知道她与她深爱的后人相隔的不止是阴阳两界,她深情地嘱咐着,可是她面前那些年轻的后人们只是跪在那里,听不懂她的一言一语。

泰戈尔说,世界上最遥远的距离,是我就站在你面前,你却不知道我爱你。可我也同样看到了一个世界上最遥远的距离,是我孤独地飘零了几百年,终于可以跟你说说话,你却一个字也听不懂。

我们的萨满越来越少,我在想,究竟是萨满们没有能力再代替神灵和祖先说话,还是他们再也找不到说话的理由。说出的话,没有人听,没有人懂,失去聆听的话语是否还有意义?

萨满后来又唱了许久许久,对每一个属相的后人分别嘱咐、给予祝福,我们没有坚持听到最后,躲开大量人群提前离开了,沿着山路走下山的时候,我看到一个年轻的莫日登家族的女孩坐在自家的车里玩手机,可萨满悲怆的歌声明明仍旧响彻在身后。

是的,天太热,没有云彩遮挡,高纬度的烈日就那么直直地晒着。

我不知道我的祖先在哪里,是不是像这个莫日登家族的祖先一样在哪处孤独地飘零着,是不是会因为我身上二分之一的血液也在我睡梦中轻抚我的手,不知道她是不是也有很多很多话想对我说。

可是我不敢听,至少在我的舌头没有摆脱孤独之前,在我没有学会能与她交流的语言之前,我不敢听。

责任编辑 包倬

篇5:孤独是人生的常态优美散文

对于有些刻苦铭心的故事,过去了,久了,就真过去了。对于有些难以愈合的伤疤,慢慢的,久了,也就完全愈合了。谁没有让一段故事折磨地遍体鳞伤,到头来还是活出幸福模样。

一个人走,一个人流浪,一个旅行,吹着风,看着海,望着云,习惯了一个人,也习惯了孤独在一个人的世界里舔舐自我安慰的时光。以为可以肆无忌惮了一个人走很长很长一段路,却总收不住心绪去想曾奋不顾身为爱疯狂的日子,受它的冷落,受它换作风一般轻抚,受它再次撕心裂肺的疼痛,也受它回味无穷的幸福。

关于那些故事,如今听着相似的`情节,心会不自觉疼痛起来。关于那些爱情里的浪漫,如今看到相似的画面,依旧会泪流不止。我承认关于一个人,我脆弱不堪,心没有一点防备,享受着那份自我折磨的片刻。总感觉在迷失自我的时候,用它来填补心中空白,不再想去找一个人,害怕彼此都给不了未来和幸福,也害怕两个的世界,怕走着走着就散了,那些疗伤的手法已不能缝合破裂的伤疤。

忘记了自己身在何处,也忘记了时间,背着行囊离开。身上载满的伤痛在一个人思绪里酝酿出一种悠闲的时光,用远方拉开心的距离,再遇到许多人,陪着他们笑,陪着他们疯,蓦然间,却不知为何哭泣。不得不承认,习惯了一个人那么久还是不熟悉一个人的日子,走出阴影,始终走不出自己认为的亏欠。

曾试着挽留,却总在犹豫中放下手机,其实在恍惚间借着酒力装作满不在乎的问候,而那个装作不认识的陌生电话,一句你是谁,惹得泪流满面。原来爱情里我们早已陌生,也不得不承认,我未曾故意伤害,仍逃不过分别之痛,离别之伤。

一个人,月下单影,一个人,树木凋零。看见的,遇见的,仿佛都是梦境,比划着怒火里的愁绪,画面不停的重复。也不过是一个人自我左右无心的寄托,却也不知为何将一颗心执着于曾过去的时光。累了,连回忆都稍显吃力,我终是要孤独地走,或许一直走下去,或许....

我已不再追忆过去,也不再惦记曾经,我开始习惯一个人孤独的时光,点一支烟,泡一杯茶,缭绕着白色的青烟,纠缠在寂寞的房间。或许在远方的某一个地方,我将一颗心藏在无人问津的角落,在冰冷的世界里安睡,再不让任何一个人寻到。决绝后,有些痛苦更加痛心,有些寂寞更是孤独,我疯狂地控制那些挣扎的思绪,却无法束缚要挣脱的自由。也许孤独并不是人一生的归宿,而是一段路,一场故事,一次离别,我们无法原谅自己一个人还能写出美丽的故事,也不会因凭着想象就能跟随梦境过完一生。

追求美好的路上,我们就需要付出代价,所有的幸福都一定经历曲折后绽放美丽。若一味的逃避,我们也许永远都将活在生活的阴暗里,出不来而痛苦地活着。有时候我们无法选择生活给予的考验方式,可我们可以跟着心的方向,找寻属于自己的归宿。对于有些刻苦铭心的故事,过去了,久了,就真过去了。对于有些难以愈合的伤疤,慢慢的,久了,也就完全愈合了。谁没有让一段故事折磨地遍体鳞伤,到头来还是活出幸福模样。

篇6:我亦孤独我亦幸福优美散文

前些日子,姥爷打电话给我,告诉我苞米熟了,我笑了,这么多年,已不知道是第多少次听见这句话了,姥爷是在告诉我去吃苞米了。姥爷已七十八的高龄,还时常惦念着这些儿女小辈,为我们忙前忙后,看着姥爷忙碌却又还算硬朗的身体,心中不知是高兴多一点,还是心酸多一点。晚饭过后,亲戚们逐渐散去,我陪着姥爷去村口的池塘散步,我跟在姥爷身后,看着姥爷有些老态龙钟的步伐,渐渐弯曲的背影,心中便是狠狠一痛。姥姥已去世几年了,当年,他们也会是这般模样,在夕阳微垂,天色渐暗的时候,圈好了鸡鸭,一起出来吹吹晚风,散散步吧?可岁月无情,时光易逝,转眼间就只剩下风烛残年的姥爷自己,只有在一年中寥寥可数的几个节日里儿女小辈们才会聚到身边,几顿饭菜,一阵喧嚣,最后,又只省下了一个孤零零的身影。我抬头看着站在池塘边的姥爷,看着那被岁月的风霜刻满痕迹的脸,看着那经历世间种种人情冷暖、聚散离合而变得混沌的双眼,几声虫鸣犬吠,几缕炊烟未歇,在这宁静的乡村傍晚里,姥爷的身影在我眼前逐渐变得模糊,我用力的睁开双眼,却看到的是两个字:孤独。姥爷,我知道,你一定很孤独。我更知道,我与您之间的几步之遥,需要我一生去理解、去感悟,因为,每个人都注定孤独。

我们生活在宗法制下的大中国里,每个人都没有能力让自己成为一个单独的个体,在各种亲情、人脉、等级的大网中,我们都是其中的一个绳结。可就算这样,就算我们与周围的人的关系复杂如此,朋友,你是否仍然孤独?

在学生时代,我努力的让自己每天活在学习、吃饭、睡觉这种三点一线的生活中,这不仅是努力,还有恐惧。恐惧自己会静下来,会孤独、会茫然、会无助,所以每天努力让自己过得充实,不留间隙。我知道,生活中许多人都有过这种生活体验,我们是惧怕孤独,还是惧怕我们自己?

一人站在万人中央,孤独的如此漂亮。孤独不是我们矫情做作的一种姿态,而是我们每个人都将经历与承受的一种东西,它必将随着我们对生活的体验加深而体现出它的内容。曾以为,孤独是别人不理自己。后觉得孤独是别人不懂自己。再觉得,孤独是自己不懂自己。到现在却认为孤独是自己终于开始了解了自己。其实每个人最终都是孤独的,所以不必依附他人,不必获得所有理解,孤独是生命的影子,有影子才有眼前的阳光。

我很喜欢杨坤的牧马人中的一段歌词“牧马人还在流浪,他追寻着迁徙的草场。寂寞时歌声悠扬,那只长调世代传唱。牧马人还在流浪,他身后是落下的夕阳,马头琴对着月亮,没人知道他的忧伤。”每个人都是孤独的,那个不为五斗米折腰的渊明是孤独的,那个流浪在茫茫撒哈拉沙漠中的三毛是孤独的,那个欲眠还展旧时书的纳兰是孤独的。既然每个人都会孤独,我们为何不在孤独中找到属于我们自己的魅力?

姥爷,我知道,你看不到这篇文章,但是,我真心希望,下次,在那个乡村傍晚里,会多出一个快乐、健康的背影。

人生无处不孤独

可孤独,不代表凄苦

让我淡淡的问一句

朋友,你是否孤独?

蓦然回首,恍然所悟

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